Man Applies For College Football Coach With "Madden" Experience

Man Applies For College Football Coach With "Madden" Experience

A hardcore Madden video game fan named Christopher McComas recently saw that UND (the University of North Dakota, not Notre Dame) was looking for a new football coach. McComas decided that he had enough training from the immortal John Madden to apply for the job himself, so he went for it.

Even though he had no formal experience, he already had a new mantra for the team: chuck the ball. Yes, McComas is a fan of the hail mary, he hates punting, and he thinks UND is hiring the next Nick Saban or Lane Kiffin if they hire him.

Sounds like a reasonable plan to us, but why don't you take a look at his letter to UND athletic director Brian Faison and decide for yourself:

Mr. Faison,

I would like to express to you my interest in your now open position for head coach of football at the University of North Dakota

Currently, I work in IT at a college in West Virginia, but I have many years of experience with football, starting with attending my first Marshall University football game when I was 3 years old. In the past 30 years I’ve only missed a handful of Marshall’s home games, attended many road games, and all of their bowl games.

All the while I played various football games including Madden on Sega Genesis where I completely dominated with the Bills and Thurman Thomas. Seriously, was he a beast on the game or was he a beast because I was a football genius controlling him? I then moved on to a Playstation gaming system and purchased NCAA Football every year and put together several programs that completely dominated the recruiting scene and college football winning several national titles with Marshall University. I took them from a decent Mid-American Conference School on the game to a perennial national power that makes Nick Saban look like a chump. One year my third string quarterback left school early to enter the NFL Draft, he was a first round pick. Boom.

My football philosophy is basically an attacking one. We’re going to give AIR RAID a whole new definition. Theoretically how many times do you think a team can pass in a game? Challenge accepted. We’re going 5 wide, chucking the pigskin all over the place. Never punt. Onside every time. Chip Kelly will be calling me to learn my offense. We will put on an exciting brand of football, we will pack them into the Alerus Center night in and night out, go ahead and blow the roof off the place and add about 35,000 seats to that place.

I would love to speak with you further regarding this opening and what I can bring to UND, putting UND back on the national map and making NDSU our (b****).

Attached to this email you will find a PowerPoint with more information.

Thanks,

Christopher McComas

PS - I prefer Coke to Pepsi, so go ahead and fill the fridge up in the head coach’s office with Coke.

Yep, we'd hire him.

The power point that was attached to the letter was priceless, and further expounds on his philosophies and qualifications. You should check it out here courtesy of the Grand Forks Herald. His four step blueprint for success?

  1. Recruit great players.
  2. Win a lot of games.
  3. Recruit more great players.
  4. Win more games.

Good luck Christopher, we're pulling for you. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to apply to be a plumber using skills I picked up while playing Super Mario Brothers.

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Written By Pat

Pat

Pat is our resident comic book guy, news archiver, and is occasionally offensive. We apologize in advance.

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