When Apple announced the iPhone 5, we put two of our intrepid reporters on the case to liveblog the event. And by reporters, we mean caricatures of our fanboy friends. They watched the live feed of the iPhone 5 unveiling and wrote down their thoughts for us. If you didn't get a chance to see the full event you can watch it here, or just check out our notes below.
First up is Fred, who is our resident expert on Steve Jobs, Pabst Blue Ribbon, and Bon Iver. He loves his iPhone 4S, tattoos, and vegan-ism, and will be bringing his expertise to the table against...
Stu, who is an Android fan that "loves customization" and the fact that he can use Swype on his Samsung Galaxy S III LTE 4G 3D. He also loves his Droid, Droid II, Droid Pro, and Droid Razr Maxx.
Ready? And we're off!
1:00 - Apple CEO Tim Cook Takes The Stage
Stu: Great, Mac talk. You have like 10% of the market, congratulations on your minority stake in the computer world.
Fred: Seven million Mountain Lion upgrades sold!
Stu: Blah....let's move on to the phones to see if this iPhone is better than my Galaxy.
1:06 - iPad Talk
Fred: USA Today said the iPad was the finest tablet you could buy!
Stu: Yeah, there's 700,000 apps and most of them are crap.
1:12 - Phil Schiller, VP of Marketing Talks About The iPhone
Fred: I LOVE YOU PHIL!!!
Stu: The official name is the iPhone 5? Way to shortchange the acronyms, Apple.
The iPhone rises from the floor of the stage
Fred: That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!
Stu: Your mom's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
Fred: Wow, the thing is 100% glass and aluminum, 18% thinner than the iPhone 4S, and 20% lighter than the 4S. Apple hit a home run here.
Stu: 18% thinner?? That's like, a millimeter! Who cares??
Fred: There are FIVE rows of icons?? Yes!
Stu: That's their big surprise? An extra row of icons? #groundbreaking #stevejobswouldbesoproud
Fred: Old apps are letter-boxed because of the bigger screen? Ummm....
Stu: HAHAHAHAHAHA! HA!! WELCOME TO 2002!!
Fred: Oh, the new screen is better for 16x9 movies. That's cool.
Stu: HAHAHAHAHAHHA!! Letter-boxed! Ha!
Fred: It has LTE...finally!
Stu: You're right, finally. Welcome to 2010, Fred.
Fred: Wow, EA is now showing a demo of "Real Racing 3" - that looks awesome!
Stu: Ok, I'll agree...those are pretty awesome looking cars. But what's the battery life? They haven't announced that yet. It probably sucks.
1:28 - A Battery Icon Flashes On The Screen
Fred: Here it comes...I think they're going to announce a new hydrogen based charging system....
Stu: I bet it's the same as the 4S.
Fred: Crap, it's the same as the 4S.
Stu: Told ya, fanboy.
Fred: Ohhhh....a Sapphire Lens Crystal Cover for the camera?? Nice!!
Stu: WTH? A "Sapphire Lens Crystal Cover"?? That isn't a real thing. You can mark that up there with Oakley's "Unobtanium" as the stupidest marketing jargon ever.
Fred: Everyone has to buy adapters for the new "lightning" connector for audio and power! Yes!
Stu: Why are you excited about that? They're $29 for a piece of plastic?
Fred: I don't know, I just got caught up in the moment. Sorry.
1:39 - The Crowd Applauded The New Connector, For Real
Fred: They're going over iOS 6 now. I already have Beta 4 on my phone so I'm ahead of the game.
Stu: I use custom roms. #winning
Fred: Sweet! The iPhone 5 is the same price as the 4S: $199 for 16GB. $299 for 32GB, $399 for 64GB. And it's shipping on September 21st.
Stu: Of course it's the same price, it's the same phone as last year.
2:15 - Greg Joswiak, The iPod Guy, Is On Stage
Fred: New iPods! They're totally original AND you can record FM Radio on them.
Stu: The iPod Nano looks like the Zune HD:
Fred: Gamecenter has 150 million players?? That's incredible.
Stu: Yeah, and I have two friends on it even though I have 2,000 Facebook friends. #useless
Fred: Wait...you have Gamecenter?? How?
Stu: Umm...I just have an iPod Touch for reference.
2:42 - The Foo Fighters Take The Stage
Fred: I love the Foo Fighters! This is awesome.
Stu: Dude, we finally agree on something.
Fred: Ummm....the other bloggers seem confused....
Stu: Yeah, most of them are awkwardly staring at their computer screens. It's almost like a pretty girl is talking to them. This is awkward.
Fred: We should go. Love the new iPhone 5 though!
Stu: See you at the next event, Bro Council readers. Android for the WIN!