2012 is just about over; and it was a good year. There were some pretty awesome things about this year. Where would the world truly be without Gangnam Style? Would we really be the same people if Honey Boo Boo hadn't given us the word "redneck-onize?" We would be way less awesome. But there are also a lot of things that need to stay in 2012, and we decided to make a list of items that need to go. Consider it our New Year's Resolution to help get rid of these things in the coming year.
13 Things We Don't Want To See In 2013:
1. Mayan end of the world prophesies making actual news.
Of course there's always going to be fringe groups who always believe the world is going to end next week, but only in 2012 did the "end of the world" headline make the news every two months. I find it hard to believe that there is nothing else to report on in this world.
Not only is it obnoxious that you see it in the news, but never in 2013 do I want to log in to Twitter and see my page like this:
2. The NHL Lockout:
We're with you, bros.
3. Text messages like this:
Seriously, who has time to steal identities by spamming cell phones? In 2013, they need to make a resolution to get a real job.
4. Indecipherable Captchas.
Is there an outbreak of highly intelligent robots that can read this nonsense, because I can get into my Twitter maybe once a month, so I find it unlikely that anything with less than 20/20 vision and an excellent LSAT score could figure it out. What does this even SAY?
5. Every cooking reality show.
Reality shows were pretty marginal to begin with, but tell me why I would want to watch somebody cook delicious food while I can't actually eat the delicious food?
Best cooking show blooper, ever.
Did we really have to abbreviate "you only live once" in 2012?" Should we also start abbreviating other obvious phrases, because if so, I'm going to start with "DINBIH." Oh, you don't get that? It's "driving in blizzards is hard." And then I'm going to put it on neon t-shirts, sell them to sheep-like clowns everywhere and let it go viral.
7. Leggings as pants.
Also, meggings, and those aren't pants either. Pants are pants, and if Conan can't pull off this trend, nobody can.
8. Everybody Instagraming their food.
I microwaved a week-old veggie burger for dinner last week, but I don't feel the need to take photos of it, congratulations to all of those out there who have the culinary dexterity to outcook the average 20-something, but in 2013, I don't want to login to see 50 stupid out-of-focus and over-filtered photos of eggs benedict every Sunday.
9. TLC's ridiculous lineup of shows.
Apparently in 2012, TLC decided to expand their definition of "The Learning Channel" to a ridiculous extreme. Does anyone else remember when they used to show documentaries? Now I imagine the annual Christmas party is Clinton Kelley and Stacy London hiding in a well-dressed closet while the faux-Amish run amok amidst Toddlers & Tiaras and the Cougar Wives. In 2013 they're starting a show about extreme funerals, so apparently they're still leading the parade of the downward spiral of society.
Ever hear of Extreme Cougar Wives? If not, you can click on this link to check it out, but we highly recommend against it.
10. Emotional Facebook Posts About Reality Shows.
Reality shows were only marginal to begin with, but in 2013, I really don't want to see a running commentary about how you feel about The Bachelorette wedding or who got voted off Big Brother.
11. Jessica Simpson's pregnancy.
She's pregnant again? Who cares. Oh wait, the USA Today does? Seriously? Why? She's going to be preggers with this kid for most of 2013, but I don't want to hear about it.
12. Black Friday chaos.
Every year, people actually risk physical violence and/ or death to get up at 2am, ruin salespeople's days and save 50% on cheap crap the stores couldn't sell at face value anyway? I firmly believe in the whole "you get what you pay for" philosophy, but if you really need a great deal, just shop online.
Really, Zuckerburg? You think we don't know what you're up to by now? Sure, there's a few gullible idiots who think posting a spammy fake legal ad will stop you from selling our personal information to third-party companies, but we're not all morons. We know Facebook's terms are "subject to change at any time," because you change them so freaking often.
Never fear though, Bro Council readers, we'll never sell your info to third-party sponsors; unless they offer us a lot of money. Or food. Especially food. If they offer us free ribs or wings then all bets are definitely off. Ray and Pat will sell out everybody for a decent Wing Night*, sorry kids. Hey, at least we're honest about it.
*Editor's Note: We won't actually sell off your personal information for food or money.