I didn't mean to become Bro Council's crime reporter, but this is just too funny (and heartwarming) to not write about.
Mark Eskelsen, a homeless man in Portland, Oregon, jumped a fence and climbed, naked, into a suburban family's hot tub. He then called 911 and told the dispatcher he was the sheriff. Later, after he admitted to the dispatcher that he wasn't the sheriff, he had just been yelling for about 90 minutes, and he wanted a "hug, and a warm cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it."
Instead, the police showed up and arrested him (still naked) and charged him with trespassing and improper use of 911. No word on whether he ever got a hug or any cocoa, but at least he's wearing clothes in his mug shot.