In our continuing series, our own Marv Nelson takes a look at what it takes to be a father. This is a great article to check out if you're a dad, or thinking of being one. Just remember: these are stories about parenting and the unpredictable nature of children, so some of them can be pretty off the wall. #DaddyLife
Parenting is it’s own special thing. It’s hard, fun and chaotic all at the same time. If you don’t take time to laugh about it…it could be overwhelming. So, let’s all take a break and read the top 15 signs that make you realize beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are a parent. You know you’re a parent when…
1. You say: “NO! We can’t cook magnets in the toaster oven!” and someone is genuinely saddened by the news
2. You just sit down to watch that show or read that book you’ve been promising yourself you would…when you hear: “I poopied! I need someone to wipe my butt!!!” from up the stairs
3. You daydream about a minivan that has “the latch system” for a more convenient car-seat insertion
4. You sneak quietly into someone’s bedroom only to step on a toy that feels like it broke your foot and you let out a loud “AHHHH” and wake your child who now is repeating the same yell of “AHHHH” for a completely different reason
5. You get excited about buying an industrial brick-sized case for your phone, so it won’t break…again
6. You turn the clock back an hour in your child’s room at night to trick them into staying in their room an extra hour…so you can sleep
7. You end up saying things like: “Don’t ride the sack of potatoes like a horse!” and it sounds normal
8. You have to unclog your toilet because someone thought it was fun to watch the toilet paper get sucked off the roll down into the toilet
9. You ask the waitress at Cracker Barrel to please pack your food “to go” shortly after receiving it, because your child’s temper tantrum is causing other people to stare at you and shake their heads in disbelief that you would even come to this restaurant in the first place with such a misbehaved child
10. You forget the coffee you made hours ago and never drank and are genuinely wondering why in the world you have a caffeine headache because you were sure you made coffee
11. You find a rolled up, dirty diaper under the covers when you are attempting sleep, or in your car from a week ago, or even under your couch where you totally meant to throw it away but it slipped your mind as you were leaving for the play place at McDonalds…where you no longer eat anything you simply go there as a social hang out…imagine your 17 year old self mocking you as you socialize at McDonalds!
12. You are willing to look high and low for a small piece of rubber known as the “paci” or “sassy” or “fire” as if you were Gollum searching for “His Precious” because if you don’t get it you know there is some saliva filled mouth that will be gargling in disgust if you don’t find the one “sassy” to quiet them all
13. You get phone calls in the middle of meetings so that you can tell a bedtime story about: Ninjago, Ninja Turtles or Jake and the Neverland Pirates…and you actually interrupt the meeting to tell said story while other “non-parents” in the room look at you as if you’re crazy and wonder why you tell such oddball stories
14. You go ballistic with joy and celebration when someone goes "Pee Pee on the potty"
15. You realize its been three days since you’ve showered because you can’t find a time where people aren’t begging you to: feed them, clothe them, entertain them, bath them, read to them, cuddle them, sing to them or simply be in the same room as them because if you leave their sight, the world will end, chaos will ensue and their lives will go down in flames of abandonment all because you were trying to make yourself clean, in a shower, where they couldn’t see you for 5 minutes because you know any longer than 5 minutes would be supreme, illegal torture to them.
Well, it’s been fun looking at how we all can tell we are parents! Pass the fun on and let other people laugh together with us at our crazy (yet still amazing) lives!
Check out the other columns in this series here!