Daddy Chronicles: Kitchen Fires And Other Horrible Things

Daddy Chronicles: Kitchen Fires And Other Horrible Things

In our continuing series, our own Marv Nelson takes a look at what it takes to be a father. This is a great article to check out if you're a dad, or thinking of being one. Just remember: these are stories about parenting and the unpredictable nature of children, so some of them can be pretty off the wall. #DaddyLife

It all began with a need for a quick dinner. My wife, Hilary, was hauling the kids home and they were tremendously hungry. And kids, when they are hungry, are not tremendously happy, so we had to act fast. My son MJ wanted fish sticks and French fries for dinner and that combo usually works for my daughter Amelia as well. So, I was up to bat with my master plan of preparing these lovely food articles in the toaster oven. I aluminum-foiled up the oven rack so I could place the fish sticks and fries on it and they wouldn’t fall through and cause a fire…

I think things may have been OK if I hadn’t greased up the last batch of fries a week ago, but I did, in fact, do just that. I set the temperature for 425 degrees and stepped into the living room. My wife’s nose alerted her to a scent of something burning, so I checked and all was fine. Then I began to see smoke billowing out of the sides of the oven. This hasn’t happened before, so I looked again and still all seemed fine. One minute later the scenario changed from fine to horrible. The dang thing caught on fire. I say this to my wife, who I don’t think believed me right away. In my rush to action, I blew a gust of air at the fire thinking this was a wise idea; people blow out fires, right? Well, grease fires are a bit different than the normal fire and this didn’t work. In fact, the fire got bigger and shot back at me like something out of a Rambo movie. I then had the #Daddy presence of mind to get the food out, Hilary came in, handed me the extinguisher, and I shot a blast of the stuff into the oven. So even though I caught the thing on fire, I was still able to save the kids dinner and the house due to my quick thinking and cat like reflexes! BAM!

After feeling like a hero for a moment because I saved the house from a fire I started, I was even more chivalrous because I let my wonderful lady go out for dinner with some other ladies (can you say “Girls Night“?). After Hilary leaves for the evening, I sit the kids down to watch a little Pittsburgh Steeler football! Not too long into it, I run the kiddos upstairs for a bath after it became painfully obvious that the Steelers are going to lose not only the game but the entire season. I was going to give the kiddos a bath, read to them, pray with them, tuck them in, and have a good rest of a safe, fire-free evening.

The water begins to run and my perfect angels are all aglow, super excited to be getting a bath! We laugh and play and splash and giggle when I realized I hadn’t gathered their pajamas yet. I run into their rooms and am almost done gathering when I hear my little boy scream: “DADDY!! THERE’S POOPIE!!” My natural reaction was to second guess my son, after all neither of these gorgeous angels have EVER  and I mean they have NEVER pooped in the tub before so I didn’t believe him. I came into the bathroom to find, not one, not two but three floaties! I couldn’t believe it! I knew MJ was potty-trained so it couldn’t be his. I look over at my sweet darling girl and Amelia had a sweet, innocent smile on her face (as if she had nothing to do with the unwanted items swirling around her), but, because of that sweet smile, I thanked her for not having diarrhea and yanked them both out of the tub. Let me just make this disclaimer; my kids save all these nuggets of fun for me, and they wait until Mommy goes out without me. Thanks for that.

I went to work with a cup and grabbed the floaties and threw them into the toilet to be flushed. The whole time, I was telling Amelia: “This is not something we do baby…just tell Daddy you need to go potty and he will help you”.  All of that was interspersed with random words of thankfulness that everything came out...solid.

Once I sprayed down the tub, I then gave them what are affectionately called “Zuppy Baths” in our house. We "zup" water on them, then soap and then rinse them off and they are done! After our Zuppy Bath, I dressed them for bed, read to them, prayed with them, and slumped down on the couch in exhaustion.

Surprises come in all shapes and sizes in the #DaddyLife. Most days I sit back and wonder how I was so lucky to have such an amazing wife and kiddos in my life. Other times I just have to laugh at the crazy shenanigans that come my way…because it’s better then crying over fires and poop, right?

What are some of your crazy #ParentLife stories?

Check Out The Other Daddy Columns Here:

Intro - You Knocked Her Up - Your Baby At Week One - The Grief Of A Child - Leaving A Legacy - Surprises - The Hard Times - Vacation Car Ride - The Dreaded Nap - When Your Child Wants Mommy

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Written By Marv Nelson

Marv Nelson

Marv is a husband and father who writes our Daddy Chronicles articles about the sometimes crazy life of a father.