Things Guys Shouldn't Say: Part Two

Things Guys Shouldn't Say: Part Two

(Editor's Note: This article was written by Kristen, so when she refers to "my boyfriend" it's not any of the guy contributors to the site saying that. You may now proceed.)

So, my boyfriend (I've changed his name to protect the innocent...meaning me) and his best friend have a ridiculously bromantic relationship. Seriously, they make Scrubs' Guy Love seem like an understatement. He also has a tendency to get overly mushy and say things that are very definitely Not Bro Council, Approved.

Since his best friend now lives a few hundred miles away, I've been tasked with being Keeper of the Man Cards. Every time he says something that a ten-year-old girl might say, he loses a Man Card and I promptly text his best friend to inform him of said loss. Keeper of the Man Cards is an honor almost as sacred as being Slap Bet Commissioner, so here is a list of the top five things he's lost a Man Card for. Maybe if we spread the word, we can prevent premature Man Card loss amongst guys in the wild.

  1. Saying the phrase "Hey baby, come check out the doggie costumes!"
  2. Singing along to Shania Twain's "You're Still the One" and knowing the words better than your girlfriend.
  3. Quipping "Hey, we should buy Blue Valentine on DVD."
  4. Ever uttering "Actually, I really like to ice skate." (Note: Ice hockey is always Bro Council, Approved. Figure skating, however, is not. There IS a difference.) 
  5. Volunteering the information "Actually, I spent most of last summer singing 'Alejandro' by Lady Gaga in my car with the windows down."

Read carefully, guys. And don't repeat his mistakes. Everything on that list is: Not Bro Council, Approved.

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Written By Kristin


Kristin is a law school graduate, former college swimmer, and in a past job, worked on the launch of KFC's Double Down. You're welcome, America.