(Editor's Note: We want to help our readers understand the mind of a woman. The more you know, the better off everyone is. In our continuing series, our guest blogger Monica Duffell tells us guys how to compliment a woman. Enjoy...and learn.)
A FEMALE OPINION ON HOW TO COMPLIMENT A GIRL
Choose one of the following at a time, although multiple compliments in one night, are welcome:
- Identify qualities she values in you. Has she mentioned your logical mind or sophisticated style of dress? This may mean she admires this because she too possesses it. Warning: do not choose exclusively manly qualities. She does not also possess (or want to possess) a gorgeous beard (definitely) or deep knowledge of car parts (probably). See #3.
- Identify qualities she admires in other girls. Maybe she was excited about the awesome hair of the girl across the bar, or her sister's bravery, or her roommate's soccer skills. Note: if you have a long list of these, you may be attempting to compliment a positive, humble specimen. Compliments may roll right off her. Also, do not let her go. Ask yourself: Does she also possess this quality? Do I admire this quality too? If you answer "yes" to both questions, compliment her on that. Note: in expressing admiration for her roommate's soccer skills, she may be primarily admiring the possession and development of SKILLS, not necessarily SOCCER skills. So if your girl trips over soccer balls, think of what skills you do admire in her, and compliment her on those.
- Compliment her on a specific aspect of her femininity, i.e. her small hands. (Bonus: this is a great intro to holding them.) It goes both ways, too, you know. You have no idea how attractive your masculinity--your broad shoulders, deep voice, and even way of walking--is to her.
- Recall any conversations you might have had with friends about this girl. Ask those friends what you especially seemed excited about or what quality of hers they couldn't shut you up about. If that quality hasn't naturally manifested itself as a compliment, try it now. If that quality is inappropriate to say or even remain in your mind, continue restraining yourself from complimenting her on it.
Additional Caveats: (fun fact, the word "caveat" comes from the Latin of "let him beware")
- Again, only attempt to dispense sincere compliments. It is obvious when you are saying something out of a perceived obligation or thoughtless application of "How to Compliment a Girl."
- If your girl requires a heavy flow of compliments to be happy or secure, stop the compliments and if you two are good tell-it-like-it-is friends, advise her to get counsel on where she is centering her identity.
You are now prepared to compliment any girl in your life. Let us know how it goes!