Dear BC,
I'm dating a girl, we're in love, and we have both stated that we want to be married and that we have never felt a love like this in our lives. We have talked extensively about marriage, our futures, and how strong our love is for each other. Now, we were moving forward with engagement (ring purchasing, talking to parents) and out of the blue, she told me that she has feelings for her ex-boyfriend and she doesn't know what that means.
She said it may be nothing, but she misses him and doesn't know if that means she cares for him or just that she misses something comfortable. She said she wants to talk with him, and I don't like that idea. He has stated many times that he wants her back, but we can’t just ignore this. Two questions:
1. Are these thoughts normal for a girl to have before she gets engaged or married (she's been in some bad relationships)?
2. What do we do?
- Jeremy
Jenny's Take: It is normal for a girl to have these thoughts in the BEGINNING of a relationship. I am not sure how long you two have been together, but that plays a big role. If you've been together for a while it is not a good that you are this far along, making strides towards the future and she is suddenly feeling this way. In the psychology world, she's just not ready.
Unfortunately bad relationships can leave ugly scars. Maybe she should seek some counseling to confront the issues of her past and help weed through the confusion she is obviously feeling. If it hasn't been that long, less than 2 years, I would say put the engagement on the back burner for a while so you can see how this plays out. If you love her you will wait. If she loves you she will come around. Don't carry on with this though, it could lead to bigger problems in the future.
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