Ask A Woman: Arranged Marriages

Ask A Woman: Arranged Marriages

We get some interesting questions in our "Ask a Woman" section, and at first we dismissed this as a joke. Then we did some research and we're fairly certain that "cousin brother" is a common term in India to refer to a male cousin. Pardon our ignorance of the culture, and read on for our thoughts on arranged marriages.

My uncle and aunt are in the process of selecting a bride for my cousin brother. The thing is that, although he is handsome, and he is a dentist, and more good qualities - it seems that ladies whom his parents tried to select, turned him down. He is nice guy, and I feel he needs a good wife too. Can you give me some tips that I can help him take up so that he may have an increased chance of getting a good bride?

-Vikas


emily-aawEmily's Take: I know very little about arranged marriages and you didn’t describe your friend very well, but I’ll give it a try.  I would assume that he is doing or saying something when he first met his potential suitors that they did not find attractive for a long-term union.

It could be that his parents are choosing women that are more independent and it may be that they are not keen on the idea of an arranged marriage and would turn anyone down.

If the women are open to the idea, he should be very careful that he does not come across as arrogant (as many doctors can) or say things that may insult or belittle her own accomplishments or long-term dreams.

I do not know what he envisions his future home life to look like, but even with an arranged marriage, the long-term goals of spouses should be the same and both spouses should feel supported and valued.  For example, if he wants to run a successful dental practice and be the sole provider for his family, his wife should possess a goal to run a household or be a stay-at-home mom.  If she wants to have a career, that may not a good pairing.

I believe that the best advice that I can give him, is the same thing I tell everyone - be yourself.

Finding a spouse, even in an arranged marriage, is something that can take time.  He (and you) should be patient and trust that the family will eventually find the right spouse for him, or that one day he'll find her himself and his family will approve

Good luck Vikas - and be sure to ask your own question to our panel of women here!

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Written By Emily

Emily

Emily is one of our experts on women, because she's a woman. Plus, she's great at advice.

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