Recently, we began thinking about the athletic ability of our US Presidents here at Bro Council, and so I took it upon myself to create a full Offense and Defense of United States Presidents. The rules were simple; if I had to build an NFL football team, which Commander-in-Chiefs would best represent my fantasy team.
Which president would make the best Quarterback? Who is punishing enough for our defense? Do we have a president who was similar to Ray Lewis? Check out the results of my scouting report below:
LT – Chester Arthur, 6'2″ 224 lbs.
-No blind side jokes here because I don't know a thing about Arthur, nor do I care to. Just a big athletic guy that should be able to protect the quarterback for years to come.
LG – Grover Cleveland, 5'11″ 260 lbs.
-More on him later
C – James Garfield, 6'0″ 184 lbs.
-I looked at Garfield's picture. No shot he was only 184 lbs. This guy went 230 easily, plus I need a center and most of the presidents were small guys.
RG – Grover Cleveland, 5'11″ 260 lbs.
-What? Grover Cleveland is on here twice? Right, he was also President twice and an absolute bulldozer when it comes to running the football.
RT – James Buchanon, 6'0″ 200 lbs.
-This is definitely a stretch but look at the rest of my line. 200+ lbs. at every position and we didn't even have fast food when most of the guys were alive.
TE – Abraham Lincoln, 6'4″ 180 lbs.
-If there were ever a president born to play tight end, it would be Lincoln with his crazy height and presumably long reach. The real question is; How well would he fit into the locker room. You know, with the "rumors" and all.
WR – Thomas Jefferson, 6'3″ 174 lbs.
-Size and speed on the outside. Fantastic president and overall American. Love him at wideout.
WR – Barack Obama, 6'1″ 180 lbs.
-Perfect compliment to Jefferson's height on the outside. I know it's a little backward to have Obama in the slot, but I like this fit. He's probably the fastest president.
RB – Ronald Reagan, 6'1″ 185 lbs.
-Pure athlete and certainly the Walter Payton of US Presidents. GOAT.
FB – George H.W. Bush, 6'1″ 191 lbs.
-What a Republican backfield. Herbert Walker is as feisty as they come and I'm sure he would have no problem stepping into linebackers and clearing the way for Reagan to pass policies.
QB – George Washington, 6'2″ 175 lbs.
-Captain Freaking America. Was there any doubt? George Washington was a no brainer at QB. He possesses every physical and mental quality I could want out of my quarterback. Accountability may be an issue, he did have a habit of lying.
DE – Bill Clinton, 6'3″ 216 lbs.
-We know how insatiable Bill could be...and I know we could channel that drive into a ferocious pass rusher. Also, there are a few women that would vouch for him as a receiver based on the soft hands, AmIRite???
DE – George W. Bush, 6'2″ 199 lbs.
-Love to see "H" and "W" on opposite sides of the ball. Total stalemate at the goal line if they go toe-to-toe.
DT – William Taft, 6'0″ 316 lbs.
-Run stopper? No problem. He would easily convert to nose tackle in a 3-4 as well. The beauty of Taft is he came into office at 316 lbs. and left at 330 lbs. He just got bigger and better as the years went on.
DT – Teddy Roosevelt, 5'10″ 210 lbs.
-Roosevelt is a pretty hefty sized gentleman and the presidents are lacking when it comes to interior lineman on both sides of the ball.
OLB – Lyndon B. Johnson, 6'3″ 200 lbs.
-This dude is a physical specimen. The only reason LBJ is not my starting QB is his lack of leadership qualities. Best player on the defense, bar none.
MLB – Andrew Jackson, 6'1″ 160 lbs.
-It's been brought to my attention that Jackson once killed a man. Ray Lewis was a pretty good MLB and we know he murdered people, so this just seems right.
OLB – Franklin D. Roosevelt, 6'2″ 188 lbs.
-I was pleasantly surprised to find out how big FDR was (don't take that the wrong way). I was really pressing for someone to take the outside and he delivered for me (don't take that the wrong way). 4 terms in office...the guy has stamina (don't take that the wrong way).
CB – John F. Kennedy, 6'0″ 173 lbs.
-Offense wasn't JFKs specialty (Bay of Pigs). So, I decided to move him over to the defensive side of the ball. Not to mention, we know he can step in front of a bullet.
FS – Gerald Ford, 6'0″ 180 lbs.
-There are just some guys that I have nothing to say about. However, he is the only president that was a legitimate football player.
SS – Dwight D. Eisenhower, 5'11″ 171 lbs.
-The general. Absolutely no doubt he would be on defense. Too undersized to be a linebacker so the obvious choice was to move him to strong safety where he could roam the defensive backfield and seek out targets to hit.
CB – Richard Nixon, 6'0″ 175 lbs.
-Nixon mans the other side of the field and takes the role of the less attractive cornerback (JFK opposite). See, Kennedy vs. Nixon Debate #1.
Towel Boy – Jimmy Carter
-What a pansy.