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Ask A Woman: Did I Say Too Much, Too Early?

I met a woman on a dating site and we hit it off really well, we have a lot in common. As a matter of fact, she assertively pursued me; she took the initiative in texting, calling and making dates, which I'm not used to at all. We've been dating for three weeks now. Though she is a very attractive physically, I find I'm actually attracted to her mind, she's smart, funny and caring. We've only gone as far as second base, I've not pressed the attack physically but have eagerly responded to her advances. Anyway, if y'all haven't guessed by now, I really dig this woman and there in lies the problem I think.

Recently, during a romantic night, I confessed to her that I really like her and I'm very interested in advancing our relationship - you know from dating to boyfriend/girlfriend status. I honestly believed things were going very well between us and I had read the signs correctly. To me, my admission to her was received rather lukewarm, but we ended the night by making out. Then the next day she told me her week at work is going to be very busy. Now all week there's been a noticeable lack of communication between us on her part: not replying to texts, no phone calls and certainly no making plans for future dates. I'm confused. What should my next move be? Do I give her the benefit of the doubt and take her at word that she's busy? Do I ask her directly if something has changed between us? Or do I not contact her at all, wait for her to contact me? How long do i wait? If I did misread things, moved too fast and she's pushing me away, I know words can't be unsaid but is there a way to come back from that kind of misstep or am I out and should move on? Or am I being paranoid and I should just chill out?

-Pete


JennyJenny's Take: Well, I will begin this by saying that no matter how busy I am, I respond in a very timely manner if I like someone and want it to last. Of course, part of today's game is waiting a while to return texts or calls, but ultimately if she was that into you, you would not be questioning things already. Did she get out of a relationship recently? Could be that she was looking for something fun, not so serious and once you had that talk it could have turned her off. Or she could have just lost interest for whatever reason.

I would say don't hold your breath. Move on, and if she starts pursuing you again and you feel like giving it a shot, go for it. But don't push it right now if you were really feeling her because it could drive her further away. Good luck, have fun!

KristinKristin's Take: Hey Pete! This is a tough one- you clearly like this woman, but it sounds like she's being a little lukewarm. It is possible she's busy at work, but if she were as in to the relationship as you'd like her to be, even really busy people find the time. I'm a fan of being clear and straightforward with people, especially in relationships, but it is possible she felt you were being too rushed in telling her how much you like her. If it were me, I'm not sure I'd consider that a total deal breaker though, unless you pulled a Ted Mosby and said "I think I'm in love with you" on your first date.

I think your best move here is just to be open, honest and straightforward - you like her, but you're not sure if it's being reciprocated, and prepare yourself in advance if she doesn't quite feel the same way. One of two things will be the result: either she needs more time to assess her feelings for you and she'll get on your level eventually, so be patient if it looks like that's where it's heading; or ultimately it'll be clear to both of you that she's not quite feeling it. That might be a harsh truth, but it's infinitely better than trying to force a relationship with her if she's just not that into a serious relationship right now.  If it comes down to that it might suck for awhile, but I guarantee you there's a woman out there who will think it's awesome that you're so sure of yourself and how you feel.

Good luck...and be sure to ask your own question to our panel of women here!

About The Author

Kristin

Kristin is a law school graduate, former college swimmer, and in a past job, worked on the launch of KFC's Double Down. You're welcome, America.

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